if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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