You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I need to calm my uterus...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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