Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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