You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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