didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
