Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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