Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
