so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
