And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
