Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
