he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize