Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
