So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
