Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
