Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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