I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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