What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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