And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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