Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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