It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He kissed a someone with a penis
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
