Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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