i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize