If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
