roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
