Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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