I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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