Even the bartender felt bad for me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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