I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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