Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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