Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
