FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
