what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
