How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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