i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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