she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
