ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
