Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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