can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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