A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
