lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
