She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
