ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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