It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I lost the right to judge tonight
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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