i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize