So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
