I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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