i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
