your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
