all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
