I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
