If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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