..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
