Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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