I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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