Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
