I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize