I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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