so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
