And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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