if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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