so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
