Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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