I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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