You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
