I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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