Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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