he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
