Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
