Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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