where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
